What Are the Top 5 Estate Planning Mistakes LGBTQ+ Couples Make?

Estate planning can feel intimidating, and for LGBTQ+ couples, the stakes are even higher. 

Too often, the law has been slow to recognize and protect our families. While progress has been made, the current political climate reminds us that rights can shift, and protections we rely on today may not always be guaranteed tomorrow.

In fact, there are growing concerns that Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide, could be overturned in the future. If you’re confused about what this Supreme Court decision could mean, check out our in-depth blog post on the topic. 

That’s why taking proactive estate planning steps goes far beyond paperwork. We’re talking about securing dignity, protecting chosen family, and affirming your identity no matter what changes come. 

Unfortunately, many couples (both married and in domestic partnerships) make avoidable mistakes when it comes to LGBTQ+ estate planning. Here are the top five and how to avoid them.

1. Relying Solely on Marriage Equality for Beneficiary Designations 

For many queer couples, marriage equality felt like the finish line. In reality, it is only one step toward true protection. 

While marriage can offer significant rights, such as inheritance and healthcare decision-making, not every LGBTQ+ couple is married, and not every family structure fits neatly into the legal definition of marriage.

Even for couples who are married, marriage doesn’t automatically protect chosen family. If you want siblings, close friends, or a partner who isn’t legally your spouse to have legal authority or inheritance rights, that needs to be spelled out in your documents.

Example: Imagine two women who have lived together as partners for 20 years but never married. If one passes away without a will, the surviving partner could inherit nothing, while estranged biological relatives (who may not even accept the relationship) could inherit everything.

What to do:

• Draft a will and trust that reflect your family, not the state’s definition.
• Include chosen family members, whether or not they’re legally related.
• Don’t assume marriage equality covers every aspect of your life.

Taking this step ensures your family is defined by love and respect, rather than by outdated legal defaults or marital status. 

2. Forgetting to Name Healthcare Decision-Makers

Hospitals operate by default: if you don’t have paperwork in place, decisions fall to next-of-kin. 

For LGBTQ+ couples, that can be devastating. Without explicit authorization, same-sex spouses or partners may be excluded, and hostile family members may be given authority instead.

This problem becomes even more urgent for transgender and non-binary people. Healthcare systems can misgender patients or disregard identity if clear instructions aren’t documented. That’s not only demeaning but also dangerous when it comes to high-stakes medical decisions. 

Example: A trans man is admitted to a Columbus, Ohio hospital after an accident. Without a healthcare directive naming his partner as decision-maker (and without his pronouns and identity specified), hospital staff and healthcare providers default to his parents, who refuse to acknowledge his gender identity. 

The result: decisions made against his wishes, in a setting where affirming his dignity matters most.

What to do:

• Draft an advance directive that names your chosen decision-maker(s).
• Include pronouns, name, and gender identity explicitly in your documents.
• Carry a wallet card or digital copy for emergencies.

This one step offers peace of mind that your wishes will be honored — and your identity respected.

3. Not Protecting Children in Non-Traditional Families

For LGBTQ+ parents, the law doesn’t always keep pace with reality. Biological connections are often given priority, leaving non-biological parents and blended families vulnerable. 

In some states, courts still treat same-sex parenting arrangements as less legitimate, creating risks if estate planning documents aren’t in order.

Example: A lesbian married couple raises a child together, but only one is the biological parent. If the biological parent dies unexpectedly without guardianship established in writing, the surviving partner may have no legally recognized right to custody. The child could be placed with relatives who don’t support LGBTQ+ families, even though the child has been raised by both mothers since birth.

What to do:

• Secure second-parent adoption wherever possible.
• Name guardians for minor children in your will.
• Draft parenting agreements that clearly spell out roles and responsibilities.

Your children deserve stability, and you deserve the peace of mind that comes with knowing your family will remain whole and protected.

4. Overlooking Protection for Financial Affairs

Without a will or trust, state intestacy laws decide where your assets pass. These laws typically prioritize biological family over chosen family or unmarried partners. 

For LGBTQ+ couples, that can leave partners, loved ones, or even surviving spouses vulnerable, even if you’ve built a life together.

Example: A man dies unexpectedly, leaving behind his long-term partner. Because they weren’t married and he didn’t have a will, his estate passed to his parents, who never accepted his sexuality. The partner is left with nothing — not even the home they shared.

What to do:

• Draft a will that names your partner and/or chosen family as beneficiaries.
• Consider a trust to avoid probate and keep your estate private.
• Keep beneficiary designations (retirement accounts, life insurance) up to date.

Ultimately, financial planning is about money, but it’s also about protecting the people who matter most to you. If you haven’t already, discuss your financial affairs with a Columbus LGBTQ+ estate planning attorney this year.

5. Waiting Too Long for Proper Estate Planning

The most common estate planning mistake isn’t about marriage, money, or paperwork; it’s about timing. 

Too many couples put off estate planning because it feels overwhelming, expensive, or unnecessary “for now.” Currently, only 45% of U.S. adults have created estate planning documents, and 60% of people with no estate planning documents have not made any effort to start. 

But in reality, life is unpredictable. The best time to plan is before you need it.

For the LGBTQ+ community, there’s added urgency. The political climate is shifting, with proposals like Project 2025 openly questioning the stability of LGBTQ+ rights. 

While no one can predict the future, proactive planning creates a legal safety net that protects your dignity and your loved ones, no matter what laws come next.

What to do:

• Don’t wait for a crisis to start the process.
• Begin with the essentials: a living will, a healthcare directive, and a power of attorney.
• Build from there with trusts, guardianships, and other protections.

Estate planning prepares you for the end of life, but equally important, it allows you to live today knowing your family, identity, and future are protected.

Protect What Matters Most With Our LGBTQ Estate Planning Attorneys

At ALH Law Group, we believe family is defined by love, not gender. As a proud queer-owned law firm, we understand firsthand the importance of protecting chosen family and honoring identity through adequate legal arrangements. 

Estate planning gives LGBTQ+ couples the tools to make sure the law recognizes what your heart already knows: who you love, who you trust, and who you want by your side.

Whether you’re legally married, partnered, raising children, or relying on chosen family, you deserve legal protections that reflect your truth. Additionally, you deserve them in a supportive space, with advocates who understand the unique challenges faced within same sex relationships and common law marriages.

Your future is too important to leave to chance. Let’s take action together to protect your rights, defend legal unions, honor your identity, and give you the peace of mind you deserve.

Start your journey today. Schedule a consultation with ALH Law Group in Columbus, Ohio and take control of your estate planning concerns. We’re also here to help with other family law and business matters.   

‍